Self-help For A-Souls
  Featuring Guru Greenbaum Rinpoche

Most A-souls will have made half-hearted  attempts
to become better, kinder, more compassionate humans 
and failed miserably.
 In order to facilitate you on your difficult spiritual journey, 
I, Guru Greenbaum, 
 have  devised the following  eight-fold path to
non-self realization:

Guru Greenbaum says Get Your Excremental Vision together before it's too late(by midnight tonight, a-souls!)

Clear Your Mind of ALL Preconceptions.....

 

Step One

Diving into your inner landscape without proper preparation can end in the bends if you know not how to breathe.

 

 

Step Two

Do you indulge in fishy relationships? Try scallops. At least they can keep secrets.

 

 

Step 3

Ridding your mind of negativity can be a terminal process.

 

 

Step 4

If your questions are stupid, be sure you will be answered in parables you can't fathom.

 

Guru Greenbaum's eight-fold path of Self-Help for
A-Souls is now half over.  Take a rest, Chelas.
 If you follow the next four steps VERY carefully,
you will bump into the back of your head.*
 *(Steps are subject to change without notice.)




Step 5
This is where you sink or swim, Chela! Be absolutely sure you understand the symbolism before going on.

 

 

Step 6

Understanding this parable will enable you to avoid all aggressive A-souls unless you are one.

Based on your previous experience in Steps 1 through 5,
Guru Greenbaum would suggest that you now compose a parable that:

A. encapsulates your journey toward self-realization

B. illustrates the above picture*
*(foreground and background subject to shift without notice).

E-mail your parable to the guru here

(Best entries will be posted as received)

This is it.  Pure Genius from
Eesha Dian Sawyer
posted May 10. 2002

The Alligator and the Reed Frog

In the way out there time and place, there was a tadpole who thought it best to remain hidden. OH - at the sparkling moment of conceiving - she was so enamored of her vast experience and expertise - he/she fantasized of the great life of Hero and great Lover in the Pond.....all the unformed tadpoles were quite excited to be chosen for this Particular Pond.
When she first opened her tadpole eyes peering thru the womb waters - she was crestfallen and appalled ( and did not know how to spell all words in this language) at what she had gotten herself into. When she emerged it seemed best to use sweet incongruent smiles and evasive maneuvers among the weeds to just keep up the motions of acting like an ordinary frog thing.
But to her despair, the wounded ones and the broken ones all around her could still sense her light and love and power and would try to absorb her or abolish her or outright attack her body. She knew they were stupid and stumbling about and would glide away thru the weeds until one Auspicious Day, there she was in her frog form facing the fearsome foul fangs of the Crocodile. Could it be that forgiving and floating and fleeing are not freeing me. Could it be that these have served their usefulness and it is Time at this particular procession of the Planets to Leap remembering the sage advice from the hawk - When you wrestle with the pigs, you only get muddy and mucky and the pigs have more fun. This Crocodile is a True Adversary with a True Gift if I just know within how to Leap and change trajectory in mid-flight. Hmmmmmmmmm. Radeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppp

******

 

Step 7

Your choice of a teacher should reflect your level of spiritual development because this step could last fifty years

 

 

 

Step 8

Keep your head even if you perceive there is bull in the background

 

Final Exam:

 

Back way own your find